Saturday, January 26, 2008

Don't Just Survive Get Even!

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned!

By now, I would think that most of you have probably heard the song -

" I will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor.

(click to see Youtube video), In this song she rallies all the women who have been dealt a dirty deed by their "No good Men" and hypnotizes them with her funky beat and soulful melodic voice into a state of frenzy. I'm sure many of you have been in a bar or night club when this song played? Did you notice how all of the women in the place knew all of the words and proved it by singing as loud as they possibly could? While all the men sat there meekly with their heads bowed bashfully in their drinks. The dance floor always fills up with groups of ladies dancing with each other and that energy sets the mark for the night.

And men- have you ever been driving in the car with a date, girlfriend, wife or lover when the song hit the waves? Ever notice how the volume is never loud enough for this particular song? Notice how the women always reach down and crank it up just a little bit and then manage to out sing and out-volume the radio.

Some would argue that these are subtle biological messages sent by women to the male species designed to raise their level of interest and call out the most suitable mate. And on an intellectual note, I'd buy that. I'd also praise the spirit of the song and the liberation it gives to some women who have emerged from ugly relationships. But equally, I've learned to detest the song over the years. I guess in reality, I don't detest the song so much as I resent being the target of some of the built up aggression that stems from those destructive relationships.

So over the years, I've come up with my own name for this song: I've affectionately renamed it:
The B-HOLW Song. (pronounced Bee Hole). For - The Battle Hymn of Liberated Women! Some, erroneously assume I mean "Butt Hole" and that stands for the guy in the song (smile).

I named it BHOLW after a date with a "liberated woman." Yes, a few years back I went on a second date with a young lady that I thought I was pretty fond of. We shared a dinner together in which she opened up to me about all of the horrible relationships she had suffered through in the past. Not what I consider a good idea by the way. Opening that can of worms on a second date..... Bad Plan. It can sour the evening and be quite a turn off. Nonetheless, I endured it all and thought to myself - She'll think I'm "Prince Charming" after dealing with all of those dirt bags!

So after dinner we agreed to mix it up with some dancing. And that's when it happened...... I suppose the two hours we spent over dinner discussing her prior bad relationships conjured up some evil demons. Ironically, we found ourselves on the dance floor when they played the B-HOLW song. And since it was our second date I foolishly agreed to stay and dance with her. It occurred to me later that I was the only male on the floor. But that's okay, I stood there and took my punishment like a man. I danced through finger pointing, attitude, and a little shower of spittle as she screamed "I will survive" in my face!

I don't need to say that our relationship didn't go anywhere after that. That night pretty much killed any desire that I might have had for romance with her. Perhaps it was my fragile ego, my insensitivity to her pain and suffering, or simply my unwillingness to take the bullet for all of my fellow brothers who trampled on her heart in the past. I was certainly happy for where she was in her life and I was thrilled that she could move on and keep her self-respect. But I was looking to be a giver and receiver of some TLC and not the destination point for years of her aggression and rage! I guess the bottom line was -to put it in Chuck Woolery's words:

"We didn't have a Love Connection!"

So fast forward a few years. I've made peace with the BHOLW song. I can listen to the entire thing without cringing. And I've actually learned to like two other recent songs with similar themes. The first is Irreplaceable by Beyonce where she shows her man the door and packs up all of his stuff "To the Left.. To the Left." The second, and the song I'm really digging right now is: Before He Cheats by the American Idol Queen - Carrie Underwood.

Now that's a great song! As you know by now, I enjoy songs with great lyrics. And this song has got a mouth full. I'm not talking your typical corny and sappy stuff either. This song really hits home with some powerful, vengeful, incendiary stuff. So here, watch the video and enjoy!



Now that's what I call liberating! I'd imagine there's a whole lot of freedom generated when you swing a Louisville Slugger into your boyfriends headlights!

You all be nice out there and have some fun.......


I'm attaching the lyrics below so feel free to sing along:

"Before He Cheats"
Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleach blond tramp,and she's probably getting frisky...
right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey...
Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo...
And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Right now, she's probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke..
Right now, she's probably saying
"I'm drunk"and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky,
Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo...
And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,carved my name into his leather seats,
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl,Cause the next time that he cheats...
Oh, you know it won't be on me!
No...not on me
'Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Oh.. Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats...
Ohh...
before he cheats...

11 comments:

Tamera said...

I loved this post!! If I started to giggle it's only because you've written the truth. You should try being a "fly on the wall" at an all-girl party sometime when "I will survive" gets put on. I'll tell ya. As a nurse, we've had some working parties that you wouldn't beleive. It's not only past relationships that get the singing energy. It's also the "underpaid and unappreciated" employee singing energy also. Oh boy. Pretty powerful stuff. However, that Beyonce song...I believe in the text she threw her lover to the door because he had been caught cheating. Do you condone that??

Tamera said...

oops. believe

intrepidideas said...

Hey Tamera,

Nice comments! Yeah, I'd love to be a fly on the wall-for more reasons than one -- ha, ha... And yes, I think the motto "I will survive" has many applications. I've always felt that Nurses and Teachers were among the Underpaid, Under appreciated, and let's not forget -- over worked! So the "I will survive" part of this song is a necessary battle cry for them. On the cheating thing.... If you're asking if I condone throwing your lover out the door after he/she has been caught cheating - You betcha! If you're asking if I condone cheating? That's a tougher question. I don't condone cheating but I am an advocate of forgiveness. I know that's easier said than done. Once cheating has been discovered, trust is compromised and it's just plain hard to continue in a relationship. Some people are better equipped to handle that than others. I feel that men are less tolerant than women when it comes to cheating but more prone to be the cheaters. I have no real evidence to support this. I once worked for a guy who divorced and remarried his wife two times. After he married his ex-wife the third time, he continued to cheat on her and she continued to cheat on him. Yet they stayed married and appeared to be happy together. (I guess that's cheating - Is it cheating if you know your partner is fooling around but you accept it?) As far as I know they are still married today. Perhaps not the biblically correct answer but they seem to have found a happy medium in their relationship.

Now that you've opened the door on this topic, I'd love to hear your views. This might make for a nice post topic for you. What do you think?

Tamera said...

A post for me? I just let out an exhausted sigh here. I have overwritten that subject, although not in the English language. It is a dilemma for many, one of the top statistical reasons for divorce, and almost physically painful to see, and coach couples through a such process. It is extra difficult if there are children in the picture that understand that something like this has happened. They never look at their parents in the same way again (their senses must never be underestimated. I have had them in my office as well). Yes, you are correct. Statistically, men handle infidelity with greater intolerance than women. Many women will attempt to give the relationship a second chance. Yet, there are such complex underlying reasons for these differences. The couples that I have seen that succeed through a such crises, usually seem to have a thread in common. I was going to research this at one time, but became busy with other things. The thread I have seen is the way in which the partner finds out about it. Another major and sometimes decisive factor is whether it was a one-time fling, or a longterm affair, which can imply an emotional relationship. This is a deal-breaker for many women. I see women's levels of intolerance increasing at that crossing point.

BellyDance Girl said...

Oh, please don't say that these lyrics are from an actual song ... I couldn't watch the video, there's something about me and 'mainstream culture' that has not mixed since junior high in the early-mid '80s.

My mom got this song on a 45 in the late 70s/early 80s when she divorced my dad (a very good decision, even more so with 20+ yrs of hind-sight). For a while when I was 10 or so she played that song over and over again on the record player. She also played "Desperado" by the Eagles a lot, too. With both of those songs, even at 10, I was aware of the mixed emotions she had for the man she loved.

She'd play Gloria's song whenever she, or my younger brother and I needed encouragement. Our church donated food while my mom was in nursing school and worked at McDonalds. Unfortunately somehow the kids in my class found out we were getting assistance and they made fun of us. So, whenever we got another donation from the church, my mom would put this song on again and she'd dance around the living room with us, encouraging us to sing along, "I will survive!" That would usually end up in a group hug, tickle fight, or both. That song always gave me hope, but perhaps not in the intended direction.

And, definitely not in the direction that women put it in today - women that were not even women, or born, for that matter, during the time of it's release.

As I said before, I intentionally don't keep up with popular culture (except for the reality tv show called C-Span). However, I did go to clubs in college, and the song would come on, and almost every girl in the room be-bops over to the dance floor, just as if Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" came on.

No, you are right, this song does filter out the worst. The battlecry is different between Cyndi and Gloria's songs.

It MUST be pretty intimadating for a man who is interested in a woman who gets on the dancefloor with you and she bears her teeth and disgust for another man (or men in general). - Especially on the first few dates!

How would women like it if they were out with a guy on a first-5th date, a song comes on about men surviving a heartbreak, and the guy either pulls your arm socket (and he rest of you with it) to the dance floor or sits there and tells you about all the girlfriends who treated him badly? I'd guess they would not like it at all, or they have some issues of their own in wanting to 'rescue you' when you have only just met.

Tamera said...

That story about your Mom is so cool bellydance girl. Reminds me of my Mom and my childhood..by the way. C-Span rocks! ;o))

intrepidideas said...

Wow Belly! What an insightful and informative comment. I think your comment is better than the actual post! (smile) You and Tamera have really stepped up on this post and exposed me to some different views. You've also given me an idea for an interesting follow-up post. I hope you two will like it. I'm just getting in from Hong Kong but as soon as I get some rest I hope to crank out a few more posts. By the way, I agree with Tamera. The story about your Mother is fabulous. I love her already. She sounds like a great woman with loads of character. Thanks for sharing such a precious moment in your life with us.

belly said...

Thanks, Tamera, great comment as well. That's cool you are a nurse. Thanks to you both for the kind words. Looking forward to the next posts.

Mee mOe said...

Great post, it show your tender side. Most men can't deal with woman past relationships, my boyfriend did. but I don't talk much about it, I've had some really bad relationships and they were all abusive, but now I've found a very nice man that loves me for who I am even know I don't even know who that is..lol,,,thanks for commenting on my page, have a very sweet day !!! (((HUGS)))

intrepidideas said...

Thanks Mee MOe... It's so nice to hear that you have someone special in your life. Keep him! Otherwise you'll have to smash his car with a bat! (Just kidding of course LOL. )

andrea chiu said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for inspiring us.
Keep it up and continue on what your doing. Visit my site too.

triciajoy.com

www.triciajoy.com